some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
