What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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