I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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