last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
