You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
