Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize