Jerry, you need to find god
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
