Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
