did you get engaged???
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
