dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
