After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
