sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
