well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
