Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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