it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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