we have officially lost it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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