my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
