I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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