I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
