The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
