he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
