does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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