I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
