I heard we made out
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
