my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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