Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
