so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
