Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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