If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
