My friends, they love my intelligence
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
