no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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