K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
