So drunk its hurt
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
