I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
