Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
