Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
