Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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