Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
