I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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