So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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