I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
