I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
