$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
