I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
