I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
