I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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