I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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