His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
