I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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