do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
