i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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