how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
